Picasso Would Be F*cked

To Mr. Picasso:

Thank you for your interest in our Artist Residency Program.  Please answer these few questions about your proposed project, and our team will review your application for workshop space in our facilities.

Please describe your proposed project.

Um.  It’s a portrait of a woman in a white dress.  But her face and body will be disproportionate and angular.  Her nose will appear to be coming out of her right eye, and her head will appear to have been bashed in with a sledgehammer.

What would you hope to accomplish during your residency here?

I plan to paint it…?

If your project were an animal, which would animal would it be?

What the fuck?

Please write a three-word sentence to describe your intention with this project.

Make people look.

That’s not a complete sentence.

Sure it is.

Is it an imperative sentence, with “you” as the implied subject, or…?

Uh…

Otherwise I don’t get it.

I have a feeling you don’t get a lot of things.

And finally, why this project now?

Because there are too many portraits of normal looking people.  I want to do something different? I’m an artist with an idea and you’re an arts space. Why don’t you be the judge of why this now? Is it really my place to decide the importance and relevance of my own work?  You know what…this whole thing is stupid.  I’ll just work on it in my own studio.

Thank you.  Your answers will be taken into serious consideration.

Fuck you.

4 thoughts on “Picasso Would Be F*cked”

  1. Ha! Not a fan of Picasso? I love art, but when people analyze it all seriously from a place of pseudo-snobbery. Just admit you don’t know what the fuck you’re looking at, either.

    1. Katie! I love Picasso. A big fan. I was attempting to be critical of arts organizations that ask artists to articulate their art in order to get grants, residencies, etc. There’s a great quote from Alan Bennett: “When it comes to art, there are no other words. You can’t look at a Rembrandt and say ‘in other words.'”

  2. Ha! Not a fan of Picasso? I love art, but when people analyze it all seriously from a place of pseudo-snobbery. Just admit you don’t know what the fuck you’re looking at, either.

    1. Katie! I love Picasso. A big fan. I was attempting to be critical of arts organizations that ask artists to articulate their art in order to get grants, residencies, etc. There’s a great quote from Alan Bennett: “When it comes to art, there are no other words. You can’t look at a Rembrandt and say ‘in other words.'”

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